it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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