im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
