dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
