people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
