i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
