he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
