what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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