Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
