Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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