when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
