I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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