Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
