You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
