Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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