Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
