I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
