My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
