This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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