Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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