i think my mom watched the whole time
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
