If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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