be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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