There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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