Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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