He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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