The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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