in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize
