...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
