Buhtt sex?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
