WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
