I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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