don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
