So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
