you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's always time for handjobs
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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