i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
