Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
