You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
