On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
