I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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