i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh god it's open bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
