The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
