I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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