I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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