First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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