threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
