im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
