made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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