I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
