Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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