sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
