I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
