I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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